No, I won't drive from exit to exit

Hello February, how nice of you to drop by.

Much has been happening, and much more is about to happen.
Events are coming up. Such as, Investiture, Sports Day and Fiesta.
But hey, busy or not, God still takes first priority.
And I don't care should work tear me down, or my stress level
increase till it bursts. God still reigns.

I've been reading, The Unbearable Lightness Of Being.
Wonderfully written, evoking emotion and throwing challenges at me.
Good I'd say. Some leisure and some food for thought at the same time.
But I've also read and come across certain things that hit me straight
at my soft and weak spots. Felt rather tickly, and all that weird.
To top it off, it came in chinese. Try your best to read it alright.
It was a chinese passage I had for homework.
And it said, in great detail:

"You shi hou xue hui fang shou, ni hui fa xian
geng hao de jiu zai qian fang."

Back to the hoohaa on letting go. People never stop learning,
so here's the one thing that I've not stopped learning.
God has thrown big challenges at me.
Challenges that make me cry, that make me hurt,
yet making me that much stronger.
Praise God for circumstances like these.
They make me stronger than who I already am.

"Ji ran xuan ze fang shou, wei he dao tou lai you dui zi ji
de xuan ze geng geng yu huai ne?"

Then, there's no more looking back. No more looking back into my past.
Leaving behind all the past failures and picking up from where you left off.
It isn't easy but how would you know if you've not even tried?
So here I am, taking risks, believing that I've got a future.
No matter how bleak it may seem.

"Wo men ke yi zhuan shen, dan shi bu bi hui tou, ji shi you yi tian,
fa xian zi ji cuo le, ye ying gai zhuan shen,
da bu chao zhe dui de fang xiang qu,
er bu shi yi zhi hui tou man yuan zi ji cuo le.
Ren sheng lu, bu hui tou."

There you have it, it says it all. I don't need to say more.

Well, after spending some time reflecting upon life as a sec 4 girl,
I realised that the most important thing, are the people.
As cliche as it may sound to some, I've really tasted that very
importance. One of which, my family. My beloved family.
The blood ties, the rough times, the incredibly happy times and
most of all, the love. I can't express what my heart feels, but I just
know it all inside me? It's oozing out and I know it'll spill out of me.

Then I come across my classmates blogs.
They feel the same, just like that.
They say that friends, are the reason why they still come to school.
That statement blew me away.
Not that lessons and teachers aren't important.
It's just the emotion that is evoked each time
I see my friends come together, knowing that if they don't,
they'd miss out on each other's lives.
Especially when this is our final year together.

All I've to say, is to cherish the people you have in your life.
Remember, it's life and not lives. Live to the best of your ability!

All our mind's attention, all our hearts affection
Every heart-cry, every rhyme
Everybody's worshipping something
All our life's devotion, has been set in motion
Religious dozens for a dime, everybody's worshipping something
Cause that's what we were made to do

And I choose you, all my attention, affection
And all my devotion's for You
If everybody's worshipping something, I choose You

You are beyond conception, defying definition
And you knew me before time
Centuries of pagans, idols fill the nations
But You Lord to me and mine, everybody's worshipping something
Cause that's what we were made to do

Before I chose You, You first chose me
You alone are worthy, You alone deserve it - all of my worship

I've run out of words. Allow me the freedom to throw a flow of songs,
from my mind, to my spirit. I pray, that the songs will minister to your
spirit, that it'd fill your heart with the love for God.
The God whom first loved you and who always will love you.

As I rest against this cold, hard wall
Will you pass me by?
Will you criticize me as i sit and cry?
I had fought so hard and thought that all my battles had been won
Only to find the war has just begun

Is He not strong enough?
Is He not pure enough?
To break me, pour me out, and start again
Is He not brave enough?
To take one chance on me
Please can i have one chance to start again?

Will my weakness for an hour make me suffer for a lifetime
Is there anyway to be made whole again?
If i feel renewed and find forgiveness and find the strength i've never had
Will my scars forever ruin all God's plan?

He took my life into his hands and it turned it all around
In my most desperate circumstance
It's there i finally found

That You are strong enough
That You are pure enough
To break me, pour me out and start again
That You are brave enough
To take one chance on me
Oh thank you for my chance to start again

Lord, You're strong enough, pure enough and brave enough.
I pray that You'd teach us what it means to be just like You.
Day after day, You choose to forgive us. You choose to love us.
You don't do what is required of you, rather, You do what is not.
Going that extra mile to reach one more, sacrificing all You've got,
and simply laying down your life for a friend.
You're amazing. God, You are so amazing.
Let your holiness begin to touch lives, change lives.

There's a cry in my heart, for Your glory to fall
For Your presence to fill up my senses
There's a yearning again, a thirst for discipline
A hunger for things that are deeper

Could You take me beyond,could You carry me through?
If I open my heart, could I go there with You?
(For I've been here before yet I know there's still more
Oh Lord, I need to know You)

For what do I have, if I don't have You, Jesus?
What in this life could mean any more?
You are my rock, You are my glory, You are the lifter of my head
Lifter of this head

All I've left to say is that I want more, more of You Lord.
I want to hold You, love You, not let You go.
Lord, renew this fire that's within my soul.
Let me not lose sight of the passion I found.
Let me not lose sight of Your vision.
And most of all, let me not lose sight of the Father's heart.
For God, You're all the world to me. You are my world.

Specially for Artistic Gymnastics Girls:
Artistic Gym Girls, if you're reading this, I'd like you to know
that I still love you guys very very much. My heart just aches,
knowing that the team isn't as before. And honestly, I miss it.
I don't know if you do, but there's something missing in
the team. Something that's, rather obviously, missing.
I don't know what, or why, or how. But I will try my very
best to find it. Because I believe in you guys and I won't give
up. You guys mean so much to me, because you belong to the team.
The St Nicholas Artistic Gym Team. And also because you guys
have inspired me, to further impact and make a difference in
your lives. Sorry for the times when I was rash, nasty and impatient.
When I had to raise my voice a little higher than usual just to get things
started. I hope you'd forgive me, and try understanding from my point
of view. Truly and sincerely, I love you guys very much. Don't stop
trying, train hard and do the school proud. Do yourselves proud :)

I had a horribly, good dream.
Maybe it was what I wanted it to be, as if I was commanding it.
Yet, I woke up finding it so real. As if, it was really
going to happen. And maybe I'm afraid, that I'd take a
step back, turn around and regret my decision.
But I probably will make my decision someday.
I felt rather oogly inside when I woke.
Stop making me feel oogly :( It doesn't feel good.
Honestly, I felt so blur about it. It was like, flash and gone.
Guess I'll have to wait for yet another.
How about another flash and gone?

I still remember how Duncan Sheik's Half-Life was
on repeat everyday of that one week.
It has been a long while, since I last heard it.
Maybe because I couldn't stand the sound of it ever since.
And maybe because I couldn't bring myself to listen to it
ever again. Haha, I've absolutely no anger to look back on.
God says, 'na de qi, fang de xia.'
What a reminder, simple and lovely.
What scares me is what's up ahead, what other horribly
good dreams I'm going to have. But I wouldn't dream if
God doesn't allow dreams to enter my subconscious mind.
Then I'd choose not be be conscious at all.

Ending the day on a much lighter note, Nicky, made me laugh!
He said, 'If u is pronounced as you and e pronounced as
eee, then muscles would be (moos-clees) :D'
I almost died laughing. Then, principles would be (princi-plees)!
I have the funniest brother who does the weirdest things like
trying to break my wrist at the dinner table. But that's the whole
point of it, the fun, the joy and the laughter :)

Before I forget again, here's Chinese New Year for you :)

With all that I have to give,
Natalie.